GAY!?!? whoops :oD

Its weird sometimes when I think about my beliefs, anyone who knows me knows that I am so in to what I believe that no one will ever be able to convert me or persuade me otherwise. But some times if I think to much I can sort of put myself off. WHOOPS?!?!?!

You would have thought like I did when I started that the pagan faith's are quite gay friendly but the reality is that there is still a part of these faiths that I personally found difficult to fit in to my life and maybe others did too. Here's a bit of personal history for you guys, please bear with me.

I was 17 when I came out to my friend's and for all of them it was a no brainer. I was still me and needed to be treated no differently, it didn't matter one bit who I was in a relationship with (at this point I must add, best friends ever).
Then a whole agonising 2 years later I told my family and the pastor of my church. This was honestly the hardest thing I have ever been through. After the lengthy discussions about choice (not a choice by the way) and the telling off I felt widely ex-communicated by them all and betrayed by the people that I thought were my biggest safety net in the whole world. Even my faith in the church was shaken to the core so much that I had to leave it before I did something potentially fatal to myself. I couldn't believe that a god that had supposedly created me and knew me better than anyone would also turn his back on me or so I was continually being told. I mean come on how could he know this was gonna happen and then leave me to just drown in my sorrow without a  goodbye or a hug. I felt awful.

This is the point that my new faith came to me and I began the journey that has brought me here and made me the person I am now. A person that I am proud to be and happy to admit to being.
I felt accepted by the other members of my faith regardless of anything including my sexual orientation and I was welcomed to groups and meetings by everyone, it was lovelly. But here is where my problem seems to stay with me. During all my reading I found so many references to something called the GREAT RITE (with such a big name you would have thought like I did that it was probably a big deal). Well the bottom line of this rite is the fact that the union of man and woman creates life. Here is what I thought was a whole school of magic that is amazing and beautiful and I couldn't be part of it.

Ohh dear I thought, I have found what I thought was the one thing that made me wrong. The one thing that excludes me from the world of magick and paganism it was just one big scary reminder of my past.
But wait......It's not all about the sex..........It can't always be about sex. So a few weeks go past and I research and research until I cant think of any other way of putting it in to a search engine.

Now the thing is when you are doing something spiritual its exactly that SPIRITUAL. Its about bringing spirit in to your life and your world. I began to look at the whole thing in a new light, it's not about the sex. Its about what it all means LOVE.......................ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Got it, I thought, I love my man and the great rite is not all about the unity of man and woman. It is about unity and love. Not just the unity of 2 people but the unity of the parts of yourself that create the whole. So maybe that thing I was dreading finding that might exclude me in a way my previous faith did is not that at all. Its just a spiritual lesson that Has tought me to be united in myslef and open up to the love of another person. Now THAT right there is a GREAT RITE. Welcome to my views people and I'm not going to change them.

If someone loves you. maybe you should just learn to put up with it. 

You never know you may just learn to love them back

Healing

What is it we are really doing when we heal someone? Should we be actively going out to fix the world every day?

I have had some very good experiences when I have been healing and when I have been healed. It can be awe inspiring and hugely beneficial. But then so can life as a whole. Should I be actively seeking this? Will it find me if I just sit here?

Well an easy answer would be no. I don't think we should actively be seeking all the spiritual highs we can find and I don't think we should be idle either. Healing is something we are all capable of doing and the easiest and probably best way of doing that is passively for both others and yourself. Just being there for someone during a troubling time can do more for someone than a once a month healing that only lasts an hour.

I think my recent move away from Reiki has showed me the value of healing whether passive or active. Should someone want a healing then they can ask for it and at times it can be a good jump start for passive healing to begin working.

My family is going through a bit of turmoil at the moment and all though the issue at hand has been resolved with one fell swoop (active intervention), the wounds are still fresh. I have been trying my best to do what I can for everyone and heal what damage may have been done by harsh words and cold actions by just giving my support in a way that serves as a distraction and an ointment (passive action).

The Cure. By Fluresama

But I think that a 5 or 6 years ago I would have been useless. I wouldn't have known the words to say or the things to do, simply because I felt broken. I was in a place of great sadness and loss and my spiritual identity was fragile at best. But my spiritual path helped me in a great many ways and helped me to fix the parts of me that had been torn out a smashed. With time I gained the internal confidence to be able to tell myself what I wanted and what I didn't want and it all started with a healing session.Without that personal healing(both active and passive) I would never have been able to be there for my family and passively help them all to be happier.

So I wonder what has the greater effect, active healing or passive healing? They both have equal parts to play. But I think we need to embrace both to be able to move on completely. A healing session wont heal a year of abuse but it will kick start your journey in the right direction if you let it.

Element one

Earth

This is the first element that I have started to explore through my bardic training by the O.B.O.D and it is awesome.

Fate seemed to know this was happening because the meeting of the white goddess that I attended earlier in the month took me on a meditative journey in to a CAVE, wearing a cloak enchanted by EARTH (cool huuuhh). This is also where I met my spirit guide, an earth sprite that has been with me ever since. It seems like the God's knew about my magic and have given me the help of a little elemental that can guide me through my journey with earth and an introduction to its mysteries and I am very grateful.

I had never worked with the element of earth in such depth before but found that the exercises given to me to do have helped me to connect to not just the earth her self but to the elemental energy of well earth haha.
Earth is the element that gives us the most stability by connecting to both the planet and the...well......stuff.

Picture by Mark Duffin http://www.markduffin.net/

To return to my first ever post about grounding it has just reiterated the point that being in touch with the earth in grounding actually keeps us much more balanced. Trying to avoid the earth is like trying to live without air. We just can't do it.
But with that said grounding is not the same as connecting to elemental energy. Earth elemental energy is part of the planet but is not the ocean or the sky or the molten volcano that makes up the other 3 quarter's of the planet we love. It is a part of the whole that I have learnt to connect with on an individual level. In that respect it has taught me things that are specific to the earth. Patience, appropriate stubbornness (E.G standing my ground haha get it...GROUND!?!?) and stillness. Now that doesn't mean that nothing is happening but in fact it means feeling the still movement of everything around me, a gentle flowing energy like the earth's. All though we don't notice it the earth is moving all the time and is changing subtly all the time just like we do.

Who would have thought that I would be able to do this through just touching a stone and with the guidance of my little sprite.
Lets hope the other elements give me as much and that I can reflect that back to the world.

"I see dead....I mean F'airy people"

Its not been long since my awesome journey with the "Grove of the White Goddess" and I have found the Fae or better yet I think they found me. Now I have always felt spirits with me and have always been obsessed with the realm of fairy.

During our meeting at the grove we went on an awesome journey in to darkness and during my journey I found myself sharing the experience with a small brown male Fae sprite that refused to leave my side.
When prompted to leave all things behind and go deeper in to the experience I asked the sprite to leave but the sprite just said no, so I accepted the protection he offered and invited him to join me. It was amazing and I think I might have a fiend for life.

It seems that I may have also made a good impression because during the days after my journey I have seen the little guys everywhere and they help me with all my spells and rituals. The little sprite is still there with me, protecting me and watching my back when I need him to and the Fae come and guide me in my circle. Its nice to see the little guys running and dancing around whilst within and above me I feel the presence of Apollo and Hecate my patron god and goddess.

It's really changed the way I view spirit, it isn't just the big I am and neither is it just the little guys. Its a combination of the big, the small, the beautiful, the ugly, the awesome and the simple. It's as diverse as the natural world and the cosmos it's self. It's what makes me human and superhuman and it helps me to understand that size or amount doesn't make a blind bit of difference as long as you hold on to your truth and work in perfect love and unity with the world around you.

I really thank the spirits for this wonderful encounter and I hope that I will always have this connection to the Fae. That one day I can spread my wings and fly with them on the winds of magic.

Blessed Be

Paths that cross and paths that don't.

I have been vexed of late. At a recent Reiki share I was very quiet and uncomfortable during the entire evening. I felt like I was constantly trying to gather my thoughts on the subjects that were being discussed and found that I was unable to keep up (very unlike me, chatter box that I am).

After a healing from a couple of the other members I seemed to find my voice and became fluent in English again ha ha. My thoughts were gathering on there own as they normally do and I was able to keep up. But I found that what I was talking about seemed to make the other members of the group a bit anxious. It was then I seemed to have a shocking revelation and needed to leave. I am in the wrong place. I politely left and decided that my time with the group has come to an end.

My Wiccan and Druid paths are taking on a journey that the Reiki group is unaccustomed to dealing with and I have found that my other paths that I find compliment my healing greatly are frowned upon by the group. This is where I find myself and also where I think it is time for me to leave. Reiki healing is still a very powerful and useful tool to have and for those who use it as a way of life I say go for it. But I have found that  it is not my way of life and in actual fact it at the end of the day is just a healing tool for me and nothing more than that.

I am going to miss my Reiki share's but at the end of the day I will not miss how the group makes me feel about my faith and how it makes me feel about my other magical gifts.

Goodbye and a fond fare well.