Wednesday 29 May 2013

GAY!?!? whoops :oD

Its weird sometimes when I think about my beliefs, anyone who knows me knows that I am so in to what I believe that no one will ever be able to convert me or persuade me otherwise. But some times if I think to much I can sort of put myself off. WHOOPS?!?!?!

You would have thought like I did when I started that the pagan faith's are quite gay friendly but the reality is that there is still a part of these faiths that I personally found difficult to fit in to my life and maybe others did too. Here's a bit of personal history for you guys, please bear with me.

I was 17 when I came out to my friend's and for all of them it was a no brainer. I was still me and needed to be treated no differently, it didn't matter one bit who I was in a relationship with (at this point I must add, best friends ever).
Then a whole agonising 2 years later I told my family and the pastor of my church. This was honestly the hardest thing I have ever been through. After the lengthy discussions about choice (not a choice by the way) and the telling off I felt widely ex-communicated by them all and betrayed by the people that I thought were my biggest safety net in the whole world. Even my faith in the church was shaken to the core so much that I had to leave it before I did something potentially fatal to myself. I couldn't believe that a god that had supposedly created me and knew me better than anyone would also turn his back on me or so I was continually being told. I mean come on how could he know this was gonna happen and then leave me to just drown in my sorrow without a  goodbye or a hug. I felt awful.

This is the point that my new faith came to me and I began the journey that has brought me here and made me the person I am now. A person that I am proud to be and happy to admit to being.
I felt accepted by the other members of my faith regardless of anything including my sexual orientation and I was welcomed to groups and meetings by everyone, it was lovelly. But here is where my problem seems to stay with me. During all my reading I found so many references to something called the GREAT RITE (with such a big name you would have thought like I did that it was probably a big deal). Well the bottom line of this rite is the fact that the union of man and woman creates life. Here is what I thought was a whole school of magic that is amazing and beautiful and I couldn't be part of it.

Ohh dear I thought, I have found what I thought was the one thing that made me wrong. The one thing that excludes me from the world of magick and paganism it was just one big scary reminder of my past.
But wait......It's not all about the sex..........It can't always be about sex. So a few weeks go past and I research and research until I cant think of any other way of putting it in to a search engine.

Now the thing is when you are doing something spiritual its exactly that SPIRITUAL. Its about bringing spirit in to your life and your world. I began to look at the whole thing in a new light, it's not about the sex. Its about what it all means LOVE.......................ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Got it, I thought, I love my man and the great rite is not all about the unity of man and woman. It is about unity and love. Not just the unity of 2 people but the unity of the parts of yourself that create the whole. So maybe that thing I was dreading finding that might exclude me in a way my previous faith did is not that at all. Its just a spiritual lesson that Has tought me to be united in myslef and open up to the love of another person. Now THAT right there is a GREAT RITE. Welcome to my views people and I'm not going to change them.
If someone loves you. maybe you should just learn to put up with it. 
You never know you may just learn to love them back

No comments: