Getting the message.

I am buzzing, have just eaten wraps, had a wonderful meditation and received a beautiful e-mail from someone I hope to be able to call a friend one day.

Each one of these (minus the wraps) have told me something very clear that I have not ever heard in my life. As the person I am and having gone through the things that I have been through. I try to see the good that is in everyone even at times making it up just to appease the situation, because I believe it is the right thing to do and it keeps everyone happy. But it requires me to sacrifice my power in a way that I never thought that it would.

So I lost my bite..................where the hell did that go. I know I haven't just left it somewhere cause I feel it from time to time when I have to stifle it and keep the situation calm. I never thought for a second that this could leave me drained and worn out by other people. We are all capable of doing terrible things through rage and anger but we forget by subduing our urges beyond the point of safety, that sometimes no is a better answer than yes, that just showing your teeth can solve more problems than letting things run their course.

You can only give so much to people and stifle your own feelings and urges before you have nothing left to give or to express to the ones that matter and more importantly......yourself. Because if you aren't able to care for yourself then how can you help others?

You thought I was only one. I am many and we are free.

This is where my bite comes in because after saying yes for so long, people aren't going to be expecting the no. I am going to have a fight on my hands just to keep that which is mine and I don't mean my things or my laptop or anything like that. I mean my stability.........peace of mind.........That quiet moment where I need to be alone with just my thoughts for company. My Nwyfre.

Today has been a reminder that those things we can do in rage and in anger, if used properly with respect and tolerance actually are just tools to help us defend our selves and make our point in a sea of turbulent motion. My Nwyfre is mine to do with what I will and will no longer be take by just anyone who asks. It is my tool, my energy and I have got my bite back.